it's never too late to apologize. start with a sorry,

Friday, August 03, 2012

Thoughts..

Just suddenly felt like blogging as many thoughts started flooding through my brain today.

Been in SP for almost one semester now, I thought I had many friends, but truth is, I was always alone. Behind those cheerful smiles, happy laughter, hides a lonely girl. Not trying to act emotional or anything, just really wanna type out all my thoughts, it's my only outlet.

I know, everyone has been treating me really nice, but truth is, once it is time to go home, I'm alone again. I only ever interact with you guys in school, or even if it is outside of school, it would be about school work. I really don't like this feeling. It leaves me really insecure. How i hope that somebody who is willing to be my friend will come along. Somebody I can rely on whenever I need the support.

I really wonder why are things this way. Is it because I'm not "cool" enough? or is it because I'm not friendly enough? I really don't know. I've been trying to be friendly to everyone I see, just because I'm afraid of loneliness, I want to make more friends. I thought I felt really alone when I was attached, as he was rather possessive, but never did I expect that I would feel even more alone than I was. When would that friend I need, come along?

I really hate this feeling. I miss my whole clique of friends. At least, to them, I am something. At least I am important to them, I mean something to them.

Another thought that came to my mind. What if i never stopped dancing? What if I took the initiative to join the show choir in singapore? What if I was still performing regularly? Would my life be different? If i never stopped dancing, would I be slim? I really wonder. If I never stopped singing, I would be happier I guess. Singing is my life, somehow. I can let out my stress and trouble with every note I sing, using the strength in supporting. I miss that feeling, that feeling when I stand on the stage and sing with my choir. That applause from the audience that belongs to us. Ugh, I really miss being a performer.

Okay like emo only but that's how I feel. seriously.

I know I'm ranting a lot today but oh well, I doubt anyone actually bothers to read my blog anyway, so I'm practically ranting to myself heehee. :>

10:57:00 PM