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Cheryl
17June1995
Singapore Polytechnic
Dip in Visual Communication & Media Design
Gemini
lyrehcx@hotmail.com
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xen vps canada | diseño trípticos

Note to self : I must never talk without thinking again.

What I think of as having fun, I didn't realize how hurting my words were to you. I'm sorry I didn't know you'd honestly take it to heart...

Now I'm feeling guilty like hell. I'm truly sorry I won't say such things already.. I feel like slapping myself already.. I shouldn't have joked about such stuffs.. Look, I'm fat too.. I can understand how you feel... I'm sorry.. Really.. Hope you'll forgive me.. And accept this apology.. I love you..

Went to visit choir yesterday(: didn't have time to blog as I had a huge quarrel with my baby ):

Anyway celebrate TT's birthday at choir and had fun! Pizzas and cake! :D though the cake was pathetically small._. Anyway after that went for lunch together with the people and decided to go kbox suddenly ö

Waited for pf to get something from home before we went on the train to bedok! Sing our hearts out from 3pm - 6pm (: but wasn't really happy as I was quarreling with baby):

Met him and we kinda talked things out at th exercise corner near my house. At last it was solved and he was back to the calmed down gentle him(: he was dam caring and even bought MOPIKO for me cause I was itching like mad everywhere. Thank you baby! <3

He sent me home and gave me the tightest hug ever.. It was so sweet! Anyway my mom asked me about who I went out with for the past few weeks as I went out with him every weekend :X Told her all about him and she was like very open-minded about it(: she even said to invite him over to our house if he wants to ^^~ heheh baby I'm really happy <3 hmmm I guess this kinda ends my post in a cheerful note~! I love you!

Stop saying I'm flirting when I'm not! What can I do to make you believe me? You won't even talk to me even though we're on the phone! What do you want! I thought I finally survived another day without quarreling with you! But this had to happen!

I honestly not doing anything behind his back but he still doesn't believe my words. I really don't know what to do..

He doesn't trust me.. Still... He keeps thinking I have something on with some other guy... I really don't know lah haiy... ): I honestly love him.. Alot.. And I trust him.. But he doesn't trust me... Haiy. What to do....

We went out again today! ^^~ met him and he again hid in a corner >
The day went awesome, me poking and tickling him like ALOT. How I wish it could be like this everyday :D anyway we walked around, looked at a beauty pageant and stuffs.. (:

He sent me to my granny house ^^~ so sweet and awesome lah can! <3 hmmm, after dinner came home and bathed...

He started to get jealous because I'm adding/accepting friend requests from guys every other day. But the problem is that they're all from my school.. After prom I just try to add whoever I can find luh... Haiy.. Hope it won't start a fight... ):

Went out with him today^^~ went to vivo there to walk around and stuffs ^^~ then we sat at the open area there, the steps under a shelter and talked about stuffs.. It was really nice.. Him accompanying me around, talking about everything and anything we can think of.. It's awesome.. (:

Now, he sent me safely back home and he is too reaching home.. I can tell that he's really tired.. He just totally flared up at me... ): should I just give up the chance to meet him and let him rest at home tomorrow? I don't know lah. I really wanna meet him and talk to him.. But I'm scared that I'll be a nuisance to him..

Being with you for almost a month (officially), I don't know if I'm good enough for you. Honestly. We've been quarreling for almost every single day we're together. You make me cry every other day, torturing me. Sometimes I even wonder if you really love me. You can even bear to treat me like shit.

All I do is wrong and sinful to you, and all you do is right. I don't know already, really. Am I your girlfriend? Or am I a toy for you to torture?

You keep "puajibai puajibai" on the phone, you think people no feelings? I'm your girlfriend eh! You keep wanting to mental torture me. Are you even human? I sometimes doubt your feelings towards me. I'm scared that you'll leave me for another girl. I don't know what else to do already..

Help.. I need help...

#cryingwhileitype.

Last night was PRSS' PROM NIGHT '11! It went AWESOME! Taking pictures with almost everyone I know^^~ the preparation was screwed up though, hahaha.

After four years of being in this school, all of us have went through a lot together, some quarrel, some date and so on. Finally, it's prom, it's OUR night! Really gonna miss my dearies after we graduate and go to different school. I don't know if you girls will see this but I love you girls! Let's not lose contact and continue to go out together! :D

Apparently, he isn't as happy as I am, even to the extent of showing unhappiness. In the morning and afternoon, I had to paint my nails, travel to tampines to curl my hair. Then in the late afternoon I had to rush home to change and make up. He wasn't happy at all, and was complaining about how busy I was. Baby, I don't know how else to explain but all I could say is that secondary school prom is once in a lifetime and is really important to us.

He was really angry that I hooked the guys' arms when we took pictures together. I understand how he feels now and I won't do such things again if it bothers him. I am quite an open-minded person. To me, hooking their arms doesn't really mean anything special, they are my friends, my classmates. But he got really jealous and angry and we quarreled for almost 2hours in the middle of the night! I don't know how else to make him not angry and forgive me.. Now, he's planning to ignore and MIA from me for the whole day, I really don't know what to do. Honestly, I miss him. I'm really scared of losing him but he doesn't believe a word that I say. I honestly don't know anymore..

Yesterday, 20/11/2011, was awesome! We didn't quarrel (: went to bugis to walk and shop for shoes and hair accessories^^~ but before that went to Waterloo street to pray(: he said he had to pray for my safety before I leave for malacca tomorrow.. So sweet! ><

But his daddy was saying he had been spending too much recently, and it made me feel so bad.. I shouldn't have allowed him to buy things for me... ): I don't know what to do also..

Today, this morning, his daddy was saying that his colleague's wife keeps asking him to buy things for her. I can sense that he's trying to hint something.. I don't know... Haiy. I shall start working soon, next week or something. I don't wanna be a burden to him anymore, I wanna do my part. True, he is really spending too much money on me..

Went out with you to search for my prom shoes.. I'm sorry you had to put up with my stupid indecisiveness when shopping.. ): ended up with you paying for my shoes for me omg.. Feeling so guilty ever since.. ):

After that, we were walking home, holding hands. I don't know why you suddenly said I let go also. When i honestly don't really remember doing so. Anyway I guess I did it sub-consciously because we're near my house already and I didn't want to get caught by my parents as my mom is probably out still. But when you asked me why, I totally blanked out. My mind was answering "because we're near my house and I saw someone staring at us I thought she knew me" but what came out of my mouth? "I don't know". Maybe I was too tired, maybe I was crazy, I don't know why I answered that way. But that made you pissed, like really angry. Had to go home without a goodbye kiss or goodbye hug from you, for the FIRST time. Felt so empty, so sad afterwards.

Quarreled a lot with you, it hurt the most when you didn't want to answer me when I asked "what am I to you now?" and hesitated and even answered an "i don't know" when I asked how much do you trust me. I don't mind if you don't trust me 100%, but all I ask is for some trust in you. I trust you as high as 90%, believing every little things you say, couldn't you do the same? I know I lied to you about things in the past, like telling you I have eaten my medicine when I actually did not, but it was the past. I'm true to you know.

You sarcastically said "wow, your boyfriend ah? So handsome! How come I don't know you got another boyfriend?" when you saw the pictures posted on my facebook. I tried to explain to you but you wouldn't listen. That guy is Winson. He is peifann's. I mean, it's impossible as he isn't even my type at all. You wouldn't listen to my explanation. I really don't know what to do or how to gain your trust. You suspect I'm keeping something to you, but I can swear, I am not. I don't usually ask you to hold my phone as it is something that I'm not accustomed to. I don't usually ask people to hold my things. whenever possible, I will hold them myself. It is not my nature to trouble people like that. I guess you don't believe me and think that I'm keeping something from you. I tell you everything that happens to me, why don't you trust me at all?

It hurts a lot, to be doubted by someone whom I trust and love a lot.i believe you can feel my feelings for you, right? I don't know if you'll be reading this, but I really wanted to pen down my thoughts.

My 11:11 wish was that on our 1st month anniversary, we wouldn't quarrel at all.

I came back home, hungry and tired.. My sis was hungry too.. So we asked daddy to buy hor fun. He came back with hor fun, and both of us started eating. My dad ask my fucking brother out to eat. My fucking brother came out and said "why are we eating this?" then both me and my sis said "THEN DON'T EAT LA!" then he slam his phone on the table, went to take a bowl and chopstick, and slam it on table. My dad scold him and I was like "stop showing attitude." then my sis added something. Then my mom came out, she say "u all eat until fight ah" then she told my bro "what happen? You okay? Don't angry okay?" then she turn to us scold us. Say "you all think you all very perfect? You think you all very good? You all also never take your bowl yourself then ask him take?" and all these.. Then keep ask my bro don't angry. FUCKED UP.

Worst thing is, before my mom came out, he was just showing attitude and eating, then my mom come out ask him what happened, HE STARTED CRYING.

Awesome sia, like that also can, getting all this shit. And she didn't even get the facts right! How wonderful. Can't she treat us equally? We're all her children. Fucked up.

Woke up today to your morning message as usual, but it was weird, I could tell. You used to call me "baby", your messages used to sound very happy with "heehees!!" and your messages used to come in paragraphs. I really don't know what came over you.

You have been acting really weird since our big fight yesterday. Even during the fight, you were always on the line, with who? I really don't know. Are you not calmed down? Are you still angry with me? Did something happen? Why don't you want to tell me? Am I not your girlfriend? Please answer all these questions. I'm really afraid that there'll be a third party, another girl who never makes you angry like I do, another girl who treats you better than I do, that will snatch you away from me. I really don't know.

we had a big fight today due to my forgetfulness and carelessness.

I forgot to text him to tell him that i will most probably not see my phone as i went on the double bike with sinkin for the first time today as i was probably too excited about it.
I probably shouldn't have suggested that he come to send me home today, maybe all these wouldn't even have happened.

Anyway, i suffered a lot out of this. physically and mentally.

Called him and texted him non-stop without any replies from him. When he finally picked up the call, he asked me to search for him in the crowd. I did, and surprisingly succeeded. I went towards him and all he did was walk away from me. It hurts.
Its okay, i followed you and you again ignored me, you even plugged in your earpiece! It hurt me badly, all i could think of was walk away, and i did. But i didnt want to leave and ended up hiding in a corner just to look at you.
You walked past.. you went into white sands mall, i just had to follow you...
I was so elated that you actually called me..although i dont know whether it was out of concern or what.. then you walked.. away.. again...
you walked to mcdonalds', i didnt know if i should follow and i stood there, like a fool as you said. when you said you wouldn't come, i had to go find you despite the pain in my stomach.
I was so silly, i cried badly in public but you still wouldn't care. I read your statuses, it was real hurting.. i couldn't take the pain anymore too, and went away but i melted when you said 'come back!!!' ...
you were so nice to me, buying medicine and water for me... but i wondered why did you still care about me even when you're angry. so adorable.. (;

many things happened and you managed to send me home without talking to me. but it was so intense and it was so hurting that i said ' lets break up ' without even thinking. i know deep down in my heart i don't want to break up, but it was so painful that i said it and regretted it immediately after. luckily for me, you came after me.

we managed to talk it out underneath my block and then moved to block 34, without me shouting or anything. you were shouting, but i told myself i had to stay calm and not shout at you and make things worse, and i managed to stay calm and talk to you.

At last, the problem was solved, deep in my heart i was glad although your face was still kept with a frown..

I knew i couldnt just stand there and go home after that, i just had to hold your hand or hug you, and i managed to, without you rejecting my touch. it wasn't perfect but hugging you was so nice.. so so so nice..  (:

Oh and i practically melted when you asked me to go back to the lift just to hug me real tightly and explain that you'll never let go of me (: love you so much baby, i promise i will find the chance to try to tell my mother about you okay? i love you <3

Baby, im really sorry.

I shouldn't have said those words without even thinking. I know how much it would hurt if someone said that to me. I don't know if you'll be reading this but i wanna write down my thoughts. I was just too worked up to think straight and words just flew out of my mouth without thinking. Now, you're not answering my calls nor are you replying my messages. What worries me the most is that you didn't update your facebook statuses with your thoughts as always. I really don't want anything to happen to you. You can ignore me, you can ditch me, you can hate me, i know i did wrong. But can you please tell me, please, that you're safe? All I wish for now is for you to be safe..

I really want you to be safe bby.. Please do just pick up the call and scold me, i don't mind already. It sucks.. alot..