Saturday, November 19, 2011
Went out with you to search for my prom shoes.. I'm sorry you had to put up with my stupid indecisiveness when shopping.. ): ended up with you paying for my shoes for me omg.. Feeling so guilty ever since.. ):
After that, we were walking home, holding hands. I don't know why you suddenly said I let go also. When i honestly don't really remember doing so. Anyway I guess I did it sub-consciously because we're near my house already and I didn't want to get caught by my parents as my mom is probably out still. But when you asked me why, I totally blanked out. My mind was answering "because we're near my house and I saw someone staring at us I thought she knew me" but what came out of my mouth? "I don't know". Maybe I was too tired, maybe I was crazy, I don't know why I answered that way. But that made you pissed, like really angry. Had to go home without a goodbye kiss or goodbye hug from you, for the FIRST time. Felt so empty, so sad afterwards.
Quarreled a lot with you, it hurt the most when you didn't want to answer me when I asked "what am I to you now?" and hesitated and even answered an "i don't know" when I asked how much do you trust me. I don't mind if you don't trust me 100%, but all I ask is for some trust in you. I trust you as high as 90%, believing every little things you say, couldn't you do the same? I know I lied to you about things in the past, like telling you I have eaten my medicine when I actually did not, but it was the past. I'm true to you know.
You sarcastically said "wow, your boyfriend ah? So handsome! How come I don't know you got another boyfriend?" when you saw the pictures posted on my facebook. I tried to explain to you but you wouldn't listen. That guy is Winson. He is peifann's. I mean, it's impossible as he isn't even my type at all. You wouldn't listen to my explanation. I really don't know what to do or how to gain your trust. You suspect I'm keeping something to you, but I can swear, I am not. I don't usually ask you to hold my phone as it is something that I'm not accustomed to. I don't usually ask people to hold my things. whenever possible, I will hold them myself. It is not my nature to trouble people like that. I guess you don't believe me and think that I'm keeping something from you. I tell you everything that happens to me, why don't you trust me at all?
It hurts a lot, to be doubted by someone whom I trust and love a lot.i believe you can feel my feelings for you, right? I don't know if you'll be reading this, but I really wanted to pen down my thoughts.
My 11:11 wish was that on our 1st month anniversary, we wouldn't quarrel at all.
11:21:00 PM
Cheryl